Why Pokemon Go is Ultimately Good for Humanity

          Like most children and youngish adults who grew up in the late 90's or 00's, I have jumped on the Pokémon Go bandwagon. For those to whom this revelation has up til now gone, excuse my pun, unown, Pokemon Go is a new app that as far as I can see serves two purposes: making wads of cash from nostalgic twenty-somethings who spend snorlax-sized big bucks worth of in-app purchases of pokeballs and getting children get up and be active. How do they do this? What the actual app does is seamlessly blend reality with virtual reality by placing CGI looking Pokémon in the real world. Wannabe trainers who wish to catch said Pokémon must leave their air-conditioned houses and walk around in order to find them. If you don't get the meme-worthy level of hype that such a game can cause than I don't think your its target audience. I did not know this game existed until yesterday when it officially dropped. Yet, seeing it as a duty to my childhood, I donned my backpack, turned my baseball hat backward and set out for adventure.

          So, why is this game a good first step in solving some of humanity's biggest issues? Two words: population control. We know what happens when dumb young people spend time outside: they get kidnapped, hit by cars, fall into wells and, ultimately, die. Add on top of this the fact that those running around are heavily distracted and staring at screens instead of their surroundings and you won't be surprised that the youth are dropping like flygons at the moment. Furthermore, this app encourages its players to wander around areas they haven't been and explore new locations to collect more Pokémon. These uncharted territories can easily be dangerous construction sites, no-trespassing zones or shady neighborhoods. I'm fully expecting a news story pretty soon describing a tween who wandered into a demolition site and fell into a hole of wet concrete whilst searching for a zubat. Never before has the journey to become a Pokémon Master been more treacherous, and this is a journey that has involved horses that breathe fire, giant snakes made out of rock, and taser mice.

              It may seem like I'm painting Pokémon Go in a bad light but I actually think it's a great idea. The world could use a few less people and this is the true way to weedle out the strong trainers from the week. I myself went outside, caught a pidgey, then went back inside because the sun was bright. That's the way the cookie crumbles.